Picture with me, if you will, your elementary school days. Ah, that was the life. No bills, ignorance of world affairs, the rarely-disputed omnipotence of parents, boundless imagination... The worst things one had to contend with, at that age, was homework, chores and recess.
I was one of those kids that hated recess. I would stuff myself in a corner outside somewhere with a book. Not much seems to have changed! ;) Other times, I would pretend I had found a portal to a world of evil sorcerers and desperate unicorns and only I could help them. Sometimes these unicorns would visit my world. But I digress. ;)
There are, in my opinion, two types of people: ones that have lots of friends and ones who have one really good friend and perhaps a few others. I'm of the latter persuasion. In elementary school I had, as Anne Shirley would deem it, a "bosom" friend. Her name was Colleen.
I had moved to Red Deer in time for grade 3. I was a quiet person who insisted she knew how to spell everything (are you sure choir isn't spelled q-u-i-r-e?) and sang out with all my heart during singing time. Ah, those were the days. There were two grade 3 classes and one day we were combined for an indoor lunch time. This is my first recollection of Colleen. I can't recall how it happened, but we ended up eating lunch together. Perhaps she had a really cool lunch that drew me to her. ;)
I'm not sure how the friendship took off. Perhaps she invited me over to her house for lunch one day. (This was back before kids weren't allowed off of school property during school hours.) Perhaps I was dazzled by her knowledge of the world. Whatever the circumstance, we were kindred spirits. (I'm a big fan of Anne of Green Gables if you couldn't tell. FYI: The province of
P.E.I. is celebrating
100 years of Anne in 2008!)
I probably didn't realize it at the time, but I was lonely because I was socially inadept. Colleen was lonely because she was different. You know that worldly knowledge I mentioned that she had? She came by it honestly. She had
Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. She also had multiple physical problems that stemmed from this, for example:
temperomandibular joint disorder (known as TMJ) and frequent ear infections due to TMJ. As a result, she missed a lot of school and suffered like no child should suffer. Of course I didn't realize that at the time. Like I described at the beginning of this post, I was oblivious to the ways of the world. That's one of the perks you're supposed to have as a child. It's called
innocence. Colleen didn't have that.
Colleen and I were well-matched in other ways. We were both very imaginative children. We would dream up new scenarios of "pretend" all the time. We discussed our future careers: I think I wanted to be an editor or a writer and she wanted to be a forensic pathologist (what the heck is that??). We loved to explore the woods near her house. We both didn't care what the world thought of us. I went camping with their family where we played card games when it was pouring outside. I loved her parents (both nurses) and the fact that she was an only child (well, it seemed that way--she actually had a much older sister who wasn't at home anymore). I was often at their house. C'mon, they had sugar cereals and Archie comics! They also had what was known as a "computer" back then and it was cool! Colleen, in turn, thought that having 4 younger siblings was awesome. She was great with kids. Guess she would have to be to put up with me. She was the epitome of patience and wisdom to me.
She rarely mentioned her chronic illness(es) or the suffering she went through. Her parents would tell me when it was a bad time for me to play with her. I would miss her when she wasn't at school but we were rarely in the same class together.
I keep referring to Colleen in the past tense. She's not dead. (Phew!) Rather, we only had until the end of grade 5 together. Then her family moved to Ontario. I was devastated. Eventually, I was even put on anti-depressants. (It probably didn't help that I was entering puberty and all the hormones that that implies.)
We kept in touch by letter. Email was a thing of the future. I was able to visit her when I was about 12 years old. It was the best 2 weeks of my life. They had a pool and we had the whole basement as our domain. We listened to Madonna's Immaculate Collection and Bette Midler. We played endless games of Life. We watched Tom Cruise movies and stayed up late. The whole family went to stay at a realative's cabin on one of the Great Lakes. Colleen and I went swimming and captured frogs as temporary pets. The heat and humidity were murderous--how is it possible for a child that age to sleep in a pool of sweat?!--but it was the time of my life. All too soon, it ended.
The letters continued. She would send me her school pictures and I would watch as her health slowly, but steadily, declined. Around the time that my family moved to Idaho in 1995, Colleen became confined to a wheelchair.
Somehow, we lost touch after I moved back up to Canada in 1998. She was constantly moving, related to school, and her email address would change. I was moving around too. Occasionally, I would think of Colleen and wonder where she was and how she was doing. I would look for her family in phonebook listings online and Google her, but was never able to find her.
In July of last year, I finally did. Miracle of miracles, she was on Facebook! She told me later that she was only on there because she was hoping to find me! She didn't know my married name but would look under my first name. I had resisted joining Facebook for quite some time before giving in. She had even been researching family history websites and the like looking for me!
What a joyous reunion! We reminisced and caught up. She would occasionally have computer problems but I think they've been resolved now. Her physical condition is worse than ever but she had attained a degree in Graphic Design. Such a small world! My mom also got a degree in this!
Due to her limitations, she has not had a "normal" life. Friends her age often don't understand that she can't just "go out" at the drop of a hat. Hmmm, sounds a bit like having kids! ;) Her medications are constantly being adjusted and changed. There's a lot of suffering involved in that. She has a beloved service dog that is not only a companion but helps her when she stops breathing in the night.
Throughout all of this, Colleen continues to live as best she can. She is patient, daring and caring. She's besotted with her niece(s) and nephew(s) who live in Edmonton. ;) She can barely type and misses playing the piano. I would really love to visit her!
Sometimes I wonder how things would've been if she hadn't moved (and then I hadn't moved). Would we still be friends or would we have become alienated for some reason or other? Doesn't matter 'cause things happened the way they did. I am proud to call her friend. She's an inspiration and hero to me.
Colleen, if you read this, feel free to correct me about anything in the comments!
Shawn and I tried to arrange someone to watch the kids after they went to bed for the night so we could go on a quick (motor)bike ride, but it didn't work out.
